The tornado storms that disturb the Eye are so intense that there is little point in even trying to steer a ship in a particular direction.

Something tells me we aren't in the house of Erasmus anymore ...

Something tells me we aren't welcome in the house of Erasmus anymore ...

(Actually, the vast majority of forumites would be more then welcome.)

Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz. I said come back tomorrow.

Do not arouse the anger of the great and powerful Oz. I said come back tomorrow.

When the man threatened to kill the waiter and to blow up the restaurant because his steak sandwich was not the right temperature, he then assaulted me when I suggested he needed some anger management classes.

When the man threatened to kill the waiter and to blow up the restaurant because his steak sandwich was not the right temperature, he then murdered me when I suggested he needed some anger management classes.

So how did you die?

So how did I die?

I died when an angry cat stabbed me.

I died when an righteously angry cat stabbed me.

A cat will only kill you for a good reason. Good reasons include; food, self-defence and just not liking you very much.

A Sith will only kill you for a good reason. Good reasons include; food, self-defence and just not liking you very much.

May the cat be with you.

May the prosperity be with you.

Sometimes i feel older 'n dirt, but it's comforting to know that you're older.

Sometimes i feel older 'n dirt, but it's disturbing to know that you're older.

The Reaper might be the second oldest being in the universe since obviously something had to die first.

The cake might be the second oldest being in the universe since obviously something had to die first.

The cake is not a lie after all, is it?

The Covenant is not a lie after all, is it?

I am the Prophet of Truth! The voice of the Covenant!

I am the Prophet of Truth! The voice of the actual!

Always look first in the last place you would look.

Always look first in the last place Foxsnake would look.

Because the first shall be the last and all for one... Or something like that.

Because the first shall be the last and all for God ... Or something like that.

Never let what shall be actually be what will be.

Just let what shall be actually be what will be.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Change isn't inevitable, except from a vending machine.

When you say you are a preserver, I have to ask you a preserver of what?

When you say you are a preserver, I may have to ask you a preserver of what?

(It depends, I might not care if you seem boring or if I'm distracted by something else.)

We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.

We wander for distraction, but we learn for fulfillment.

Those who curse and swear need to learn some better anger management.

Those who curse and shoot need to learn some better anger management.

I suspect those who never curse or swear of being serial killers.

I suspect those who always curse or swear of being serial killers.

Remember that those who want to preserve the status quo often have a vested interest in doing so.

Remember that those who want to upset the status quo often have a vested interest in doing so.

(Foxsnake's statement was true, but so is mine.)

To sit back hoping that someday, some way, someone will make things right is to go on feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last.

To sit back hoping that someday, some way, you will make things right is to go on feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last.

Children point at others, adults look at themselves.

Children point at others, adults sometimes look at themselves.

He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.

(But personally I don't see the point of eating anything still alive as long as there are alternatives available.)

He was a hungry man that first ate an oyster.

Consumption of most foods dates back somewhere into prehistory.

Consumption of most fuels dates back somewhere into prehistory.

Primitive pre-hegemony barbarians.

Primitive pre-hegemony felines.

I dreamed of being a Foxsnake amongst a group of felines, and ... they all actually liked me.

I dreamed of being a wealthy Foxsnake amongst a group of felines, and ... they all actually liked me.

(Just keep paying the bills and we'll all get along fine.)

Money isn't everyting, so why don't you take those parts?

Money isn't everything, so why don't you buy those parts?

People would be wiser recognizing that even the material goods that money can buy do not bring happiness.

People would be wiser recognizing that even the material goods that money can buy do not bring always happiness.

(But sometimes they do.)

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my happiness.

Happiness is not the sum of what you get, but rather your state of mind.

Happiness is not the sum of what you have, but rather your state of mind.

Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our childish expectations.

Some people never outgrow their childish expectations.

Some people never outgrow their childish beliefs.

I believe the Earth was created when two angry turtels did battle with a space god.

I believe the Earth was created when two angry turtles did battle with a cat god.

Eastern mythology can be remarkable, including characters such as foxes and snakes.

Eastern mythology can be remarkable, including characters such as foxes and dragons.

If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon.

If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon tail.

Just why are you smiling, cat?

Just why are you smiling, fox?

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Don't smile because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Feeling a little chagrin, are we?

Feeling a little cold, are we?

To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring.

To shorten life, borrow some money due in spring.

Just who did you borrow this money from, anyway?

Just who did you borrow this ''suger'' from, anyway?

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Overdosing is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

You can't control what I say just because you don't like my opinion.

You can't mindcontrol what I say just because you don't like my opinion.

(Actually, I could... )

Enough is enough, release the anvil.

Enough is enough, unleash the anvil.

Can I interest you in a set of encyclopedias A-Z missing only B-Y, available at an introductory price of merely twice their actual value?

Can I interest you in a set of encyclopedias A-Z missing only B-Y, available at an introductory price of merely thrice their actual value?

(See? I'll always be just a little worse then you.)

Deal done? Good, I think I'll have a quadruple Jack Daniels to celebrate.

Deal done? Good, I think I'll have a quintuple Jack Daniels to celebrate.

Drink all you want because I'm driving, but I'm not about to donate my liver to you.

Drink all you want because I'm flying, but I'm not about to donate my liver to you.

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, but the odds against there being two bombs are a million times a million to one...... I'm gonna cut the odds and bring a bomb.

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, but the odds against there being two bombs are a million times a million to one...... I'm gonna cut the odds and bring a helicopter.

If you had the choice of a plane, a train, or an automobile, would you be the person that picked a boat?

If you had the choice of a plane, a train, or an automobile, would you be the person that picked a saucer?

(Please take note of the Dutch flag printed on the hull.)

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

A flying saucer results when an alien spills his coffee.

Anyone seen my cookbook?

American dollars? American dollars are no good out here. I need something more fictional.

Artists use lies to tell the truth.

Artists use lies to hide the truth.

So this is modern art? Well, it's certainly... Original.

(Meaning it doesn't look like anything a sane person would recognize.)

So this is modern art? Well, it's certainly... abstract.

Every good painter paints what he is.

Every good painter paints what she is.

(New link, just a tiny bit NSFW.)

An alarm clock is a device that makes you rise and whine.

A radio clock is a device that makes you rise and whine.

From radio to radioactive to Radio Flyer, where would we be without radio?

From radio to radioactive to Radio Flyer, where would we be without noise?

Look, it's called mu-sick for a reason, ok?

Look, it's called death for a reason, ok?

I much prefer life, thank you.

I much prefer your life, thank you.

Your money or your... You know what? I don't feel like giving people a choice today.

Your money or your ... You know what? I don't feel like giving people a life today.

I feel lucky, punk ... do you?

I feel lucky, miss ... do you?

Trust is the key to love... Unless betrayal gets in the way.

Trust is the key to life ... Unless betrayal gets in the way.

Too many who live are actually dead.

Too many who live are actually unemployed.

No, I don't care you're undead, it's the unemployed aspect that annoyes me.

(On a serious note: No, I don't think everyone who's unempoyed has him or herself to blame, but I do dislike chronic social welfare parasites who actively refuse to work.)

No, I don't care you're lonesome, it's the unemployed aspect that annoys me.

It's not that he has a broken arm, but rather that he has a broken pocketbook.

It's not that he has a broken heart, but rather that he has a broken pocketbook.

What Kind Of Lame Power Is Heart Anyway?

What Kind Of Lame organ Is Heart Anyway?

I always thought the heart was the figurative repository of the soul.

I always thought the phylactery was the figurative repository of the soul.

(Nope, it's the literal repository.)

A lich's most valuable resources are his vast intellect and his limitless time to research, plot and scheme.

A God's most valuable resources are his vast intellect and his limitless time to research, plot and scheme.

That's why I only have faith in the real God.

That's why I only have faith in the real Machine God.

May your weapon be guarded against malfunction, as your soul is guarded from impurity.

May your mind be guarded against malfunction, as your soul is guarded from impurity.

Error, error, your argument is invalid.

Error, error, your argument is invalid meatbag.

Two percent probability that the miniature organic is simply looking for trouble and needs to be blasted.

(But that might be wishful thinking.)

Zero percent probability that the miniature organic is simply looking for trouble and needs to be blasted.

You aren't seriously thinking of that, are you?

You aren't seriously thinking of eating that, are you?

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. DEAD.

(I'll have to agree with that one.)

I will not eat raw. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. DEAD.

Yes, that means cook it well done.

Yes, that means fry it well done.

A unnamable horror from beyond? Deep fry the sucker.

A unnamable horror from beyond? Deep fry the cephalopod.

If you make this note unusable by tearing it up or burning it, then you will die.

If you make this book unusable by tearing it up or burning it, then you will die.

You'll never retrieve the Necronomicon! You'll die before you get it!

You'll never retrieve the notebook! You'll die before you get it!

I will use you. Then, I will kill you.

I will use Ryuk. Then, I will kill you.

You know, Light... You're more of a Shinigami than any Shinigami I ever met.

You know, Light... You're more of a monster than any Shinigami I ever met.

On the whole people want to be good, but not too much of the time.

On the whole cats want to be good, but not too much of the time.

(Which isn't to say we're not perfect. We just made a concious ethical choice, ok?)

Is it important? I ask because if it isn't important you shouldn't bother me, but if it is important the scanner will malfunction.

Is it important? I ask because if it isn't important you shouldn't bother us, but if it is important the scanner will malfunction.

The most important thing in the world is to not stop questioning.

The most important thing in the world is to not stop fighting.

I will kick your ass while admiring how you must have held your paintbrush during your magnum opus.

I will kick your posterior while admiring how you must have held your paintbrush during your magnum opus.

I just cannot stand profane and vulgar language ... how about you?

I just cannot stand profane and foreign language ... how about you?

As far as I'm concerned everyone who goes on holiday abroad is a traitor and should be shot at dawn!

As far as I'm concerned everyone who goes on vacation abroad is a traitor and should be shot at dawn!

Wait a minute, you mean they actually let you take vacations?

Wait a minute, you mean they actually let you take naps?

No rest for the wicked.

No rest for the righteous.

Righteous is more than a direction.

Unrighteous is more than a direction.

Both righteousness and unrighteousness include their own rewards.

Both righteousness and unrighteousness include their own burdens.

Take my burden upon you, for my troubles are difficult, yet my burden is light.

Take my burden upon you, for my troubles are great, yet my burden is light.

I'll never be your beast of burden.

I'll never be your bearer of burden.

Maybe that's why you behave like a bear.

Maybe that's why you behave like a bore.

Are you a professional bore, or is this just some sort of hobby?

(Just a +/- sentence obviously. Cats don't go for cheap one-shot indirect insults, we much prefer overwelming assaults when something bothers us... Most of those things don't last long. Killer instinct and natural superiority usually yield the desired result within a acceptable timeframe. Efficiency.)

Are you always a professional bore, or is this just some sort of hobby?

For always, forever, beyond here and onto eternity.

For always, forever, beyond here and onto divinity.

I just want to enslave one little universe... Is that really too much to ask for?

I just want to enslave one little cat ... Is that really too much to ask for?

Yes, that is really too much to ask for.

Yes, that is really far too much to ask for.

(You might have loved what I would have done with the place. Oh well, your loss.)

How about enslaving just the canines?

How about shaming just the canines?

I did have a dream about protecting a little helpless kitten from a big bully of a dog, you know.

I did have a vision about protecting a little helpless kitten from a big bully of a dog, you know.

Join me, and together we can destroy the Emperor.

Join with me, and together we can destroy the Emperor.

here, i have a viola. because i'm not cool enough to play the violin.